Forgiveness

I hope that you understand that I write this little column with the knowledge that I am a deeply flawed individual. Any courage I have in writing it comes from being self-aware and observant. In my younger years, I had a whole set of luggage dedicated to carrying grudges. Time and experience has given me the ability to weigh the value of letting things go.

So recently, when I was confronted with a little resentment popping up in my heart, I knew I had to deal with it immediately.

One of my former mentors always told me that forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for me. Forgiveness cleanses the excess emotional baggage I may be carrying that keeps me from growing as a person, or it makes me bitter. I would bet that not one of us has the goal of being old and bitter. Have you ever met someone who at the end of their life has nothing positive to say? That is surely the result of collecting anger and resentment over a lifetime.

We have to remember that forgiveness doesn’t condone the behavior that wronged you. It doesn’t deny that you’ve been offended or take away responsibility from the other person. It is simply a decision to stop feeling resentful or angry. It is the ability to walk away from the need to exact punishment or vengeance.

Recently, I heard a speaker talk about the importance of forgiveness. He stated that it required compassion and action. We have to have the emotion of compassion toward the other person who has offended us, and we have to act by letting it go. If those two things are not present, then maybe forgiveness hasn’t occurred. You may be motivated to express forgiveness to the other person, and sometimes you may not have the opportunity. If someone who has wronged you is not around anymore, you can forgive and let it go. It can still be very cathartic.

I love the feeling of peace in my soul and lack of forgiveness causes too much unrest. It stresses me out, I feel tired and the fatigue shows up in the lines on my face. (Now there is a very compelling reason for forgiveness-the vanity of not wanting to age prematurely, if I haven’t convinced you already.)

I hope you are free from the chains of holding onto grudges. I hope you feel the calm of being at peace with others. That is my goal, too.

“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” – Carrie Fisher